Usually, the more spiritually awakened ones are the twin flame chasers and they’re more likely to be doing the research so there’s a lot of information online for chasers. Unluckily it’s hard to know what to listen to and there’s a lot of disagreement over some areas.
Some general advice most people can agree on:
- Try to relax and trust in the journey. I know, I know. That’s easier said than done.
- Accept that there is likely going to be some tough times.
- Focus on your own personal growth.
Don’t worry. We are going to look at some more in-depth advice but there’s a reason this stuff is commonly repeated. It’s good advice regardless of where you are in your twin flame journey.
This kind of advice is certainly easier said than done. The chaser to subjected to some serious emotional and spiritual abuse so being told to ‘just relax’ isn’t always the most helpful. I know. Taking the time to improve your knowledge about the twin flame journey helps though. The more you understand, the more you’ll be prepared to handle everything the journey throws at you – including this separation phase.
So, What the Hell Do You Do as the Chaser?
I constantly tell people that the twin flame runner has a tough time during the separation phase although it doesn’t seem that way to the chaser. I constantly drill this point home because the chaser commonly feels like they’re in this alone. The truth is both sides are feeling it – the difference is only the twin flame chaser really understands why.
Twin flame soul shock is a powerful experience. It is like nothing else you will ever feel in your life but it’s also what commonly sends the runner into the separation phase. They simply don’t understand what the hell is going on and these feelings are very often going to overwhelm them.
The chaser is the more spiritually awoken twin. In general, the runner doesn’t know what a twin flame is or they know what a twin flame relationship is and either doesn’t believe in it or don’t believe they’re really in one.
I need to stress this here. It’s not a reflection on you, your relationship or in any way a negative thing. The separation phase is common. Brutal, painful and it can feel like an eternity but it’s incredibly common. Not every twin flame relationship is going to have a separation phase (some skip it entirely) but it’s important that you understand it really doesn’t matter and it’s all part of the journey.
I do twin flame readings for any part of the journey but there is a reason so many people choose to get help during this stage. It’s one of the hardest to go through. If a twin flame union fails in a lifetime after the initial meeting – it’s usually at this stage.
It might be painful. Scratch that. I know it’s painful but it’s all part of the journey for most of us when we’re lucky enough to meet our twin flame.
One of our readers actually sums up the role or meaning of the runner pretty well here:
To put it in the easiest way for you to understand. Holding space means that you are willing to walk alongside your twin flame in whatever situation in life that may be going on without judging them. When we judge or shame them, we end up making them feel inadequate. Your “responsibility” as their twin flame is to stop trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for them, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control. This is what unconditional love is.
This means both in 3D AND 5D (especially if you’re not in contact with them in 3D)
How can you do this?
Give them the opportunity to trust their own guidance and their own heart and higher self.
Don’t take their power away. Meaning allow them to do what they need to do in their own time. Don’t criticize if you think they’re making mistakes, let them that is how they learn.
Take your ego out of it. You’ve heard this many times during your journey. The ego wants to exhibit control and lock you into doubt and fear and anger and judgement about your twin flame journey. Ego also wants you to try to control how they react, how they do this journey. That is not for you to decide.
Allow for them to feel loved unconditionally and safe in being able to express how they feel.
Be supportive and non judgemental of their fears, doubts and emotions related towards you and your journey. You know this journey isn’t easy and if you can go through it, so can they. So be helpful not hurtful. Allow them to express what they feel with the understanding that you have about your own emotions on this journey.
Accept and allow for them to make the decisions they need to, no matter how difficult it is for them, it is what they need to do for themselves.
Allow for them to experience this journey as they need to not how you do and not how you expect them to.
When you can do this and also hold space for yourself in the same way… be supportive and loving of yourself as if your twin flame was doing this for you – because they are! And trust me their higher self is holding space for you too!!!
And when you also work on releasing fears, doubts, ego control issues, etc plus work on becoming the best version of you that is possible you never know what could happen!
From my mentor Carol Mary
Here is what I think! There is man and woman, woman and woman, man and man, we are people, with feelings and emotions. We meet our Twin Flame and the cycle starts, what cycle is that, well here is what I see and think is an easier way of learning and growing more on your journey!
You fall in love
You part and the blame game begins
You may come back together.
Then the searching phase.
All the while you are learning about yourself, growing, loving yourself, going through those harsh lessons, then you get the ultimate prize, union with your Twin Flame.
Our higher selves, they are ahead of us, they help to guide us to union. Connection with your higher self will really help your growth.
There is no big mystery like they try to make out. It is however a better way of being, becoming the best possible version of yourself.
Yes the lessons hurt, but what life lesson does not, if it does not hurt, it could not be worth it.
The life of a Twin Flame is not easy but come on people let’s make it at least easy to understand!!
This is from this answer on Quora.
Common Chaser Problems
I know some people have an issue with the whole idea of even referring to it as a runner and chaser. It makes it seem like the chaser is doing all the hard work (although it can always seem like that when you are the chaser).
Some people prefer to think of it as the twin flame leader or anchor – but let’s remove ego from the discussion and keep using chaser for the moment.
Being the chaser is tough. Trust me, I get it. I’ve been there. But it really is all about believing in the journey. We recently looked at is it possible for a twin flame journey to really fail and it’s almost always the chaser asking this question.
I’d like to share some stories from other chasers and the kinds of things they’re going through.
My twin flame married someone else after leaving me. I’ll admit this was my fault. I didn’t get a job after he waited two years, though I do have social anxiety. He wanted to start a family. When he was with her, he said he really wanted it to be me and to step up my game. He talks to me in my dreams and we can hear each others thoughts he can feel my pain when I am extremely in emotional pain or my physical pain. He said I hurt him and after he left me fell into a deep depression. He said he was soulsick. He’s been viewing my dreams and making comments in them, lately. I’ve been seeing 1111 a lot and I know he’s on his way back to me. My spirit guide wants us to be friends. I seem to have more than one spirit guide. I know we’ll reunite when the time is right for both of us.
My recent ex after 5 years had brought this twin flame phenomena to my attention. It explained everything about us. From the Immediate intense attraction, the “electricity ” we’d feel when we were close even more so when touched. Everything right down to telling each other things we had never spoken aloud within weeks of knowing each other. For 3 1/2 years it was absolutely amazing. Then the battle of egos began. Constantly bickering or arguing over absolutely nothing. Until it cost us the relationship a bit over a year later. I had moved out at her request. We spoke daily for almost a month. With much love most days. Then suddenly I find myself I chaser mode. As I wake up two weeks ago. To her saying she is happier without me feeling way less stressed. And cut off all communication with me. I hold no blame on either of us. She has begun to do things to better her life(gong back to school, new job, new friends, etc. as have i (new place, finally got my license at 33, new job, actually taking care of myself like buying myself new clothes etc..
But I just can’t get over the enormous loss of the best friend I could ever have.
I’ve already covered elsewhere what happens if one or both twin flames are already married (it’s a lot more common than you might think) and these stories might resonate with some of you. However, there are no two twin flame journeys that are going to be entirely alike. The only real common twin flame chaser characteristic is that the chaser is more aware of the journey. Whether they know it or not they’re the ones who understand what’s going on at least at some level.
Twin Flame Chaser Surrender
I know it can feel hopeless and I’ve had more than a few questions about surrendering as the chaser. I’ve written already about twin flame failure before but what happens if the chaser twin just lets go?
In short – it doesn’t really matter.
The separation phase commonly includes a period where both twins are doing their best to avoid or ignore each other. They’ll lie to each other and even themselves. If the chaser surrenders it’s just part of the journey. It isn’t going to be permanent because a twin flame journey can’t actually fail.
If you really feel like quitting then I understand. Trust me. I’ve been there.